you can have whatever you are willing to struggle for

Hi, so this is my first posting that I posted in 2014. Since 2013 I had been so busy for making ready myself for University Entrance Test or in Indonesia, it called SBMPTN(well I couldn't pass the test :( ) and I had been having no Idea to post/write something in blog. Now, I miss it! I miss the old times when I didn't get depressed so easily, I was just having fun with no worries and everything that I used to do when I was in Senior High School. Hahahahaha I regret for ever saying that Senior High School is the worst thing, I was wrong. It's the best times I had. Since I failed to enter the state university that I wanted, it changed me a lot. yeah now it's the worst thing. I started to hate myself, I worry too much, I get depressed so easily, always thinking that I shouldn't think, and my life is full of negativity now. Even, sometimes, I thought negatively to God, "Why? I studied!!" "Did I not deserve happy?" "What have I done to you? I believe you. Why?" "Did I do sins too much?" even........"God, do you exist?". For a week, I had been dumb thinking about the existence of God. Fortunately, Allah/God save me. Allah exist. I might not be able to Allah, but I feel it. Because of that, I introspected myself a lot. And now I'm like...."Yeah, I deserve it, I sinned to much, I didnt really put my optimal/maximal effort to get it and I'm sorry for ever thinking that you didn't exist.". Now, I'm on my freshman year in state university. I was accepted with other test. AND THIS MADNESS HASN'T ENDED UP HERE. Being a student here isn't exactly what I expected before. Out of expectation. It's so boring here, I don't have any spirit. Oh ya Allah I'm sorry. I'm not thankful. I'm sorry. Jeongmal Miannata :( I believe "if you want something big, work bigger", "you don't always get what you wish for, you get what you work for" and I really believe what Allah said, "Allah will create ease after hardship". Yeah! It's my spiritbooster. Everything happens for a reason, that's true. Maybe god, give me this way to remind me about, work hard, not sinning, give my best and letting allah do the rest. Yup because. YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU ARE WILLING TO STRUGGLE FOR. From now on(uda lama sih), I have to work harder, because I have so much dreams that I have to make it true!! There's no late. Optimize my time to make it maximum and let Allah do the rest (Tawakkal). And that for whoever you read this blog. I'm sorry for my bad in english. I'm still learner and it's not my mother language. :D